I've had a really fun week, and I promise I'll write about it all very soon, but right now I'm going to take a moment and complain about how not-fun this afternoon was.
We went to my host aunt's house for lunch today. There were at least 35 people there, a very few of whom I'd met before. I was prepared for a bunch of new family members, but not that many. I was expecting to have to answer a ton of questions...but it was just the opposite. Nobody talked to me for about two hours, except for Rita, my host mom, explaining what the food was. Everyone was talking so fast and at the same time and I couldn't understand anything. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat in my chair. Some of the people, especially the ones my age, would make eye contact and maybe smile a little and then look away. They knew I knew Spanish because they heard me greeting my host sister and niece when they came in. I felt so lonely!! I tried to look like I was interested in the conversation, but all I could think about was how much I miss my family. I tried to sing songs in my head and do other things to distract myself, but I kept having to look away and pretend to be interested in the paintings on the wall and keep myself from crying. I think Rita and Jaime could tell that I wasn't doing so well, and we didn't hang around too long. We got in the car and I just cried. They were very understanding. Rita gave me a tissue and let me cry for a little bit and then they started pointing out things we were driving past like they usually do.
So it's just been a lonely day. I can handle it. This is the first day I've been really terribly unhappy since the very beginning of the trip. I just needed to get that out of my system.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I can guess at how you were feeling. I've felt that way at plenty of gatherings where everyone was speaking in English, but for a variety of reasons I felt left out and isolated. And having to smile and pretend like you're doing fine just makes it worse. I can only imagine how much more isolating it is when there's a language and culture barrier. I'm so glad Rita was sympathetic on the way home, so you could get a good cry in. Maybe next time you're in a situation like that you can throw caution to the winds and just barge in on a conversation with "Hi, who are you, where are you from, etc.". They might not like it at first, but you'll never see them again, so what the hey! Hugs.
ReplyDelete